im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
