I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
