I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
