the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
