You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
