my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
