I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
