I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
