I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
