Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
