Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
