I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
