Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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