So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
