then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
