her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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