margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
