You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
