I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
