he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
