I'm eating all of the evidence.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Never joke about your clitoris.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
