When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
