I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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