apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
