we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
