i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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