Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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