Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
