How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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