I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
