Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
