A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
