in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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