I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
