Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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