Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
