No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
