We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
