the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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