you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
