He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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