if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
