His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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