im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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