my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
