that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
