i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
