The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and she was petting her beer can
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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