Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
one might say we're banned from that church
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
