I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
